


Sun & Rain

by smallchittaphon



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Acceptance, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-21 15:13:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14287677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallchittaphon/pseuds/smallchittaphon
Summary: Jungwoo supposes he’s always felt odd. Isn’t that always how it is?Something in Jungwoo is restless, unsettled and increasing in urgency the moment he acknowledges it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my personal fic to date. this is really me just talking about my journey as accepting that i am trans and etc. some of it is fantasy because i am still transitioning and slowly coming out to friends and the rest of my family so the fic is like most of my fears into one so haha please be gentle.
> 
>  
> 
> i wanted to writing two endings: one where he ended up with jaehyun and one where he ended up with taeil but i keep getting stuck writing jaehyun ‘s ending and i was never satisfied and i’m satisfied now with what i have so i’m posting... maybe i’ll eventually finish jaehyun ‘s ending and post it but for now enjoy. 
> 
>  
> 
> thanks to my babe, my angel, loml, milo for being there for every step of this fic and giving me feedback. i couldn’t have done it without you.

Jungwoo supposes he’s always felt _odd_. Isn’t that always how it is?

Something in Jungwoo is restless, relentless, unsettled and increasing in urgency the moment he so much as acknowledges it. He thinks maybe he’s just a tomboy, or so that’s what society tries to project on him to be. It isn’t until grade five when he finds an old worn-out button up that his mother had kept from his birth father that he thinks maybe, this feeling is something grander— something _bigger_ than he can perceive right now. He’s too young to understand then but his heart flutters at the image of himself in his dad’s button-up. It’s so loose over his frame, comically so that it drags against the back of his calves. The feelings only increases.

His aunt passes down her clothes once Jungwoo enters middle school. His favorite being a adidas windbreaker that’s boxy, obvious meant to be a boy’s but his aunt claims she had gotten it in the women’s section. Jungwoo doesn’t care, he feels good, he feels confident in it. He feels like _himself_. It’s around this time his mom also tries to push him into wearing a bra. “You’re a growing girl, it’ll help.” This doesn’t sit well but Jungwoo sucks it up, his mind still frazzled. He doesn’t know what this feeling is, his finger always seeming to miss the mark just when he thinks he’s got it . Instead, he pushes it down and it doesn’t stay down.

Middle school is where you try to find yourself, or at least try to start to. Jungwoo falls somewhere in a tugging tide, not knowing where he goes and where he _wants_ to be but that’s okay (for now). He can wash up on the shore with the hide tides and then come down, drying out in the tides low and no one's going to tell him he isn’t living his life right. He’s only in middle school for pete’s sake. “Maybe you’re a lesbian. You sure dress like one.” One of the other violinist tells him while they’re waiting for class to begin, tugging on the collar of his button-up for emphasis. Jungwoo hums thoughtfully, maybe he is a lesbian. He looks at his crushes, one by one and no, he concludes, he _isn’t_ a lesbian.

By the end of grade 8, most of his classmates knows he’s a bisexual. He seems to think this is the most logical conclusion at the time and place but looking back at it now, looking back at the minimal information handed to him, that really was okay. This is just a part of growing up. His graduating class being one of casual bi-curiosity, he feels settled. The festering, growing feeling in his gut dims just for this. He feels accepted, he feels _good_ about it.

But then high school starts.

High school opens a whole new playing field and that huge feeling returns, it’s in the forefront of his mind even when he doesn’t want it to be; It adds a whole other layer on top of these new feeling of falling in love and falling out. Jungwoo’s first love happens, his best friend with the most radiant smile and gorgeous laugh. It makes his heart soar at every touch, every hug but he _can’t_ . He can’t seek out comfort in someone when he can’t find comfort and peace within himself. It feels like fraud, like a burn every time _anyone_ says ‘she’. That shouldn't be normal, this shouldn't feel the way it feels. He can’t tell anyone or it’ll add to the preset societal pressure set on him from the get go.

So he focuses on marching band, on gay-straight alliance and on his first love. It makes him depressed, not knowing what you are, where you fall and how to love when you’ve never have before. He feels like he’s on a high when he’s in his boxy  marching band uniform but that can only be for so long. He looks for release in very wrong places and those places lead to his first attempt. An attempt that doesn’t go through because his best friend calls him, problems of his own and Jungwoo eases his mind before sleeping with a dim light within him. He tries again, so _close_ before he cries, body rejecting it but his mind telling him to ‘ _do it_ ’. His band director intervenes, winding up in a 8 month therapy program before child protective services give him and his mom the green light to stop.

His mom seems to only baby him then, his family now knowing this about him, knowing his mind has jumped off the deep end and returned, they watch him. They check up on him and it makes him feel like crap. But this is only sophomore year.

Senior year comes with new eyes, a new mind and Jungwoo’s never been better. He thinks he knows, he knows what this pestering feeling is. He can’t pinpoint the change, the revelation of it all but it feels like one less challenge when he knows. “I feel like a boy, I don’t look like one but … I feel like one. I don’t know what I am.” He tells Taeil when they’re at the park the summer before senior year starts. Taeil stops licking the melting ice cream off his fingers and looks at Jungwoo. His eyes sizing him up and a smile resting on his face when their eyes meet, “It’s okay not knowing.”

Taeil kicks off the ground, swinging while Jungwoo watches, “If everyone knew everything about the world, there wouldn’t be much more of the world to explore.”

There’s a million steps taken from then to now, to Jungwoo standing here, his hair dyed dark blue again and his mom in front of him before he says, “I’m a boy.” She dips her chip in the cheese dip before she shrugs, “I knew. You only ever refer yourself in the third person as “ya boy”.”

Jungwoo pouts, “I can’t believe memes gave me away.” His mom snorts, “You did this to yourself.” She looks up with a fake frown, “God, my son is stupid.” _My son_. That feels so fucking good.

 

-

 

It takes a couple more years before the word spreads, a thousand and one ‘ _coming outs_ ’ before his entire family knows; Not everyone still in the same bandwagon as when they started but enough for their to still be that undeniable familial love. He changes his clothes, splurges on what makes him feel alive but his town is small— rarely do people stray far so it doesn’t take long before his old graduation class finds out. He feels small again, like all eyes are on him and then Taeil comes in, bright and understanding and a new binder in hand. Jungwoo pulls are the fabric and tears welt up in his eyes. “It’s just something to get you started.” Taeil whispers, moving so Jungwoo can nuzzle into his chest. “Dongyoung chipped in to help me get it.”

Jungwoo doesn’t try it out for another month before he’s home alone on an unusually quiet evening and he tugs his shirt off. He looks at himself, it’s not that he doesn’t _like_ his boobs. He’s grown to love them but days upon days make him hate his body. He pokes at them, sighing before he looks back at the binder on his bed. He thinks it’s now or never. He unzips the front, sliding it on and it feels just like the same fabric of his sports bra. He zips it up, accommodating them into the fabric before he relaxes. It feels bulky and too big. Maybe it isn’t for him ( _or he’s over thinking it)_ but he doesn’t want to call it quits when Taeil and Dongyoung went out of the way to get this for him.

“Maybe with a shirt on.” Jungwoo mumbles to himself. He picks out his favorite shirt, one he’s dreamed of wearing once he's done top surgery. He can’t face the mirror, a sudden wave of nausea washing over him. “Just turn around!” He grunts to himself, pulling down his shirt before he turns.

The wind knocks out of him, fast and harsh enough that he coughs. His chest looks completely flat, his shirt fits him just right like how it’s meant to be and Jungwoo feels heat pass through him. A good warmth that resigns within him and he wants to cry. He turns to his side and his body line just goes straight down, no bump where his boobs would be.

Jungwoo feels that feeling he’s so use to but it’s got a place to thrive, to flourish and he feels good. Jungwoo sighs, biggest smile on his face when he hums. “Guys being dudes.”

 

-

 

Taeil goes with Jungwoo when he goes to doctor’s office, the thought of starting hormone therapy becoming a scary thought that threatens to consume Jungwoo. Taeil holds his elbow, walking relatively close behind towards to reception desk and Jungwoo freaks, “Maybe I should reschedule.”

Taeil gives him a pointed look, hand smoothing over Jungwoo’s arm before he speaks. “Are you scared?”

Of course Jungwoo is scared. This is more life changing than coming out, he’s taking steps to fully become who he needs to be and it scares him. He’s so comfortable in his little bubble despite his mind wanting more. It’s this weird juxtaposition of being okay with his pitchy voice and defending it to wanting to have a passable voice, a voice to match how he feels inside. To say he’s scare is beyond an understatement.

“I’m very scared.” _But I still want to do this_ . Taeil smiles, a new calmness washing over Jungwoo at the sight. “You’re going to do great.” Taeil says, pushing down a piece of hair that stick up atop of Jungwoo’s head. Jungwoo shuts his eyes, pushing into Taeil’s palm and squeezing the fabric of his jacket in his hands. He _can_ do this and he _will_ . Everything will be better because Taeil is here. Taeil is _always_ here.

 

-

 

“Hey Taeil!” Jungwoo says, sliding into the booth and Taeil looks up from his phone. Jungwoo laughs, chest feeling full and his voice is settling in. It’s been half a year and it’s still weird to hear himself talk, like someone else is talking for him. That whine in his voice has diminished, calmed and his voice is wispy, breathy, soft. Taeil smiles, “Ya know why I asked you to come here?”

Jungwoo rolls his eyes, “ _Hi Jungwoo, how are you?_ I’m fine, Taeil, Thanks for your concern.” Taeil gives him a deadpanned look, “Okay fine, I really don’t know.” caves Jungwoo, crossing his arms as he leans into the booth chair. Taeil brings his mug up to sip on his ( _probably disgustingly cold_ ) coffee before he talks, “It’s been 6 months—”

“And some change.” Jungwoo interrupts. Taeil holds up his hand, “ _and some change_ since you started on hormone therapy and I want to celebrate because that means it’s a go for the next steps.” Taeil claps softly, eyes twinkling and Jungwoo glares back. Taeil’s smile drops, “Dude, do you really not know?”

Jungwoo can’t rack his brain for the right answer, he scratches at the top of his binder and pulls his shirt down before it clicks, “ _Oh_.” Taeil groans, “You’re so slow.”

Jungwoo sits up, “In my defense, It’s noon on a sunday and I woke up literally 10 minutes before I came here. Per _your_  request need I remind you. You could’ve just woken me up and we could’ve carpooled. We live together.” Jungwoo smiles up at the waitress when she sets down a single burger, knowing Taeil ordered their special and decided to split it with Jungwoo when he knows Jungwoo would’ve never agreed beforehand. He grabs one side anyways, Taeil getting the other and they munch for a while before Taeil talks again. He drips a fry into some mustard, “As your best friend, I think it’s time for you to start dating _and_ try to set up an appointment for top surgery.”

Jungwoo sighs into the bite of burger he takes. He’s about to tell Taeil to leave it be but Taeil pulls up a screencap. It’s a text from Jungwoo, all caps, misspelling ( _he was probably drunk_ ) but it’s date back to the first week he was on T.

 

**Woo**

_renimf  me 2 stary datign afert montg 6_

_ooooooOOOoooOh anf top surgary two i domt wamt boobieeeeees anumoer_

1:27 a.m.

**Moon**

_you’re drunk jungwoo_

_Go to bed_

1:30 a.m.

**Woo**

_youR drink_

_promus me !_

1:31 a.m.

**Moon**

_I promise_

_Now sleep_

1:31 a.m.

 

Jungwoo scrunches his nose, pushing Taeil’s hand down, “I was drunk.”

“You’re a honest drunk. Need I remind you the second time you ever got drunk, you asked me if I wanted to motorboat your boobs because you thought I looked like the type of guy.” Jungwoo deflates, “Which I still don’t know what that means. How does one have the _face_ of a guy who motorboats boobs?” Taeil quirks his eyebrow and Jungwoo laughs nervously, “Well I mean, you do look like the type.”

Taeil frowns, “I mean Okay, maybe having you around to remind me of my goals is good but what if past me is wrong about the dating thing?” Jungwoo takes a depressing bite, putting up theatrics just to insure Taeil gets he’s sad. Jungwoo’s thought about it, about dating again. The last time he dated, it ended mutually and it was mostly online. She was nice but she wasn’t what he wanted. She wasn’t what he need but it also helped with discovering what he could want. Jungwoo realizes soon that the dating world would chew him out and he’s not ready. He knows there’s willingness to date transitioning people but there’s always the pressure of pleasing your significant other. What if he finds someone when he’s not done transition and they stick around long enough and then they hate _him_?

“Your fears are valid.” Taeil starts, Jungwoo perking up and taking the last 3 fries. “But, I already made you a tinder profile and there’s this cute guy named Jaehyun you matched with and you could always message him.” Taeil rushes, biting into his burger and Jungwoo chokes. He swallows the last bit of his fry roughly, “You what?”

Taeil shrugs, not minding the full mental breakdown Jungwoo is having across from him while he dips the last piece of burger into the mustard. Jungwoo stutters, “W-what does Dongyoung think about this?” _Why isn’t he here when Jungwoo needs him? Dongyoung’s a voice of reason in their little trio_. Taeil shrugs, “He thinks you need a little push.”

“That traitor.” Jungwoo hisses, getting a laugh from Taeil. Jungwoo shift his gaze to a couple in front of the diner, eyes twinkling, hearts on their sleeves by the looks of it and he _wants_ that, but not really. He doesn’t want it now. Or maybe he does. He sighs, “Fuck, fine, I’ll message him. But you can’t force me on a second date.”

Taeil perks up, “That’s fine. I’m pushing you because I love you.”

Jungwoo rolls his eyes, “I love you too.”

 


	2. In Which He Ends Up With Taeil

Jungwoo practically slams the door shut when he comes home. All the lights are off and he can only assume Taeil is in bed. He shuffles to his room, sighing as he pulls off the binder and puts on his pajamas before making his way to Taeil’s room. His joints settling and muscles relaxing from all the nervous tension because of tonight.

There’s no light seeping from the bottom of the door, so Jungwoo jumps to the conclusion that he’s asleep, Taeil wouldn’t mind if he just slips in. He’s a light sleeper, he’ll wake if Jungwoo just taps his shoulder. He pushes the door open noticing the little balled up lump in the middle of the bed. If he stayed quiet long enough, he could hear Taeil’s deep sighs. Jungwoo just wants comfort in a time of need.

He shuts the door and moves to tug tenderly on Taeil’s ear. Taeil stirs, opening an eye and then rolling over to accommodate Jungwoo. They’ve danced this dance before, know it like the back of their hands and it’s so easy for Jungwoo to slide right up against Taeil, his arms holding Taeil—Sighing when his body warmth starts to heat him back up. Taeil hums, “Guess it didn’t go great?” he asks, voice straining and rough. 

Jungwoo presses his cheek into Taeil’s back, “He’s nice but boring. Too bad I don’t want to go on a second date, he probably has a great dick.” Taeil snickers, reaching back to smack Jungwoo anywhere ( _ his thigh _ ) and Jungwoo chuckles. Taeil turns over, legs nudging Jungwoo’s gently. “Sorry it didn’t go well.” he says.

Jungwoo sighs, bringing his hand up to rest on Taeil’s nape and Taeil’s eyes flutter close. He rubs his thumb under Taeil’s jaw, he feels calmness and trust. He trusts Taeil so much, so  _ fucking _ much. So why doesn’t he? Why doesn’t he try with Taeil? Why is he going out with other people when he can start here. Taeil holds Jungwoo’s wrist still, bringing Jungwoo back from his thoughts and he hums. There’s a twinge of something suddenly settling in Jungwoo’s chest as Taeil looks back at him. He scoots closer, nose bumping Taeil’s and his eyes are drawn to Taeil’s lips— half parted and soft looking. “Can I kiss you?” Taeil whispers and the tips of Jungwoo’s fingers tingle and twitch. 

“I’m probably a bad kisser. Sorry in advance.” Jokes Jungwoo. His tension doesn’t ease up when Taeil moves to hold his cheek, his hands almost too cold but he leans into it. He shuts his eyes, waiting and then it passes. Taeil presses his lips against Jungwoo’s— The right amount of pressure and minimal movement but Jungwoo’s chest explodes. He pulls away, a sigh leaving both of them and then his lips are back again. A soft pleasant moan settles in the back of Jungwoo’s throat as their lips slot together. 

Jungwoo has nothing to compare this to, no other describable feeling that can compare but he knows this is contentness. Taeil is a good kisser, good enough to guide Jungwoo and easy Jungwoo into movement without it being overtly awkward and misplaced. He feels like he’s vibrating when Taeil lets his hand slide down and settle right on the hem of Jungwoo’s shirt and his hip. His cold fingers skid right of the sliver of skin before squeezing and Jungwoo shivers with the squeeze of his heart too, subsequently nipping on Taeil’s bottom lip. Taeil whimpers and Jungwoo moans back, spike of heat within him. This isn’t as scary as Jungwoo had thought it’d be, it’s a little weird but not unfamiliar, the throbbing in between his legs but Taeil eases into him and that feels heavenly. 

Jungwoo pulls on Taeil’s shirt, pulling him closer till their legs knock together. “Sorry if my hands are cold.” Taeil mumbles when Jungwoo encourages his hand under his shirt. “It’s fine.” Jungwoo chuckles, voice cracking slightly when Taeil’s palm settles on one of his boobs. His thumb rubs right against his nipple and Jungwoo whines, pushing into Taeil’s hand and panting against his lips. He ruts up and Taeil uses his free hand to push his hips down against the bed.

Jungwoo tries to pull off Taeil’s shirt again and Taeil complies, pulling away, his heat leaving but he pulls his shirt off and is right back over Jungwoo like he never left. Jungwoo runs his hand over Taeil’s skin, mind spinning and Taeil feels so solid over him, “Is this okay?” Taeil asks, pulling on the hem of Jungwoo’s shirt and Jungwoo nods as he sits up to take it off. Taeil sits up, eyes searching Jungwoo’s and he leans into to kiss him again, Jungwoo’s legs spreading so Taeil can fit. Jungwoo likes this better, Taeil over him, kissing him and skin to skin. 

Taeil kisses his cheek, down and along his jaw and on his shoulders. Jungwoo’s nipples are sensitive as they rubs against Taeil’s skin, he quivers, thighs locking around Taeil’s hips when Taeil licks teasingly on one of them and he feels like he’s in the clouds. Why was he so afraid if this feels so good? If Taeil makes him so good, maybe he could do this for the rest of his life. Taeil pulls away and Jungwoo’s breath hitches at how he looks, lips glistening and hair askew, his gaze pinning him. “Can I--” Taeil tilts his head as if trying to phrase what he’s going to say next right, only huffing before he continues, “Can I eat you out?” 

Jungwoo throbs, thighs clenching again and he nods, “Please.” He whimpers, pulling Taeil down to kiss him again, “Taeil, touch me please.” 

Taeil kisses him bruisingly before working his way down. Goosebumps rise on Jungwoo’s skin the moment he feels Taeil breath against his navel, tugging on his pants and Jungwoo raises his hips to help him. He shivers at the temperature drop and Taeil rubs his hips tenderly, kissing his navel and easing his nerves—It gives Jungwoo a piece of mind that Taeil is trying so hard to make him feel sure and comfortable about this. Jungwoo feels Taeil’s breath against him and his mind races, not tearing his eyes off the ceiling and pressure in his chest rising. Taeil holds Jungwoo’s thighs apart, fingers firm and assertive so when he licks the first stripe against Jungwoo, his hands hold Jungwoo’s thighs far from being able to crush his head. 

Heat quickly travels up Jungwoo’s spine and he’s sure he’s red but all thoughts fly out the window when Taeil follows up, his lips puckered and he sucks on the skin softly. Jungwoo moans, back arching and he grips Taeil’s hair, letting Taeil get a rhythm going before he bucks up into Taeil’s mouth. It’s such an exhilarating, erotic feeling of Taeil’s mouth against him, sucking and licking and his tongue teasing and dipping into him. His toes curls and his ears ring. Taeil is _good_ with his mouth, feeling the way he works around and hits things _just_ _right_ with his tongue, Jungwoo can tell it isn’t his first time. Taeil moans, teeth teasing after a harsh suck and Jungwoo shouts, “Taeil!” 

Taeil hums, flattening his tongue against Jungwoo before he dips his tongue in again. He pushed Jungwoo’s leg up higher, letting it hook on his shoulder and he brings his hand up to tease fingers along with his tongue. One finger eases in slowly, Taeil’s saliva slicking it up enough so it doesn’t hurt but Jungwoo feels the pressure. He doesn’t move it, attention moving away as Taeil focus on Jungwoo’s clit. Jungwoo feels heat coiling and rising more and more, sweat trickling down his neck and onto the sheet. His mouth falls open the moment Taeil moves his finger, it’s dragging on slowly but a newfound arousal revs up. Jungwoo can’t stay silent and Taeil responds, hips rutting against the bed at every moan and pant Jungwoo let’s out. 

It’s a comforting feeling knowing what you’re doing makes the other person hot and bothered. Jungwoo, in any other situation with anyone else, would find that his vocalness would be embarrassing but because this is Taeil and Jungwoo’s had  _ years _ to read Taeil and now, with Taeil’s every response immediately after every noise; It soothes his mind and worries. Taeil is picking up the pace, moving his finger faster and Jungwoo accidently kicks Taeil’s shoulders. Taeil laughs, rubbing his palm on Jungwoo’s thigh before he pulls away. Jungwoo whines, “‘m just getting lube, babe.” Taeil kisses his cheek.

_ Babe _ , Jungwoo smiles. Taeil hops on one leg while he kicks off his pants and Jungwoo’s heart warms endearingly . Taeil comes back, planting a slow kiss on Jungwoo and his fingers pressing up against him. Jungwoo is still slick and Taeil moans, easing his finger back in and Jungwoo grips his arm. His head spins and Taeil moves back down, the lube cold but Taeil peppers him in enough kisses to distract from the second finger easing in. Jungwoo feels the pressure in the back of his throat with the combination of Taeil’s fingers moving in him and his tongue nudging in between his folds, the heat bursts and invades his thighs. Jungwoo’s had a handful of self induced orgasms but this,  _ this  _ is different and more satisfying. He didn’t want to come this fast but Taeil’s fingers help him ride it out, his legs twitching and his mind gone. There’s still the want of Taeil, Taeil in him so he encourages a third finger, “More.” Jungwoo pants.

Taeil obligates, letting more lube slick up his fingers before he even tries to move his fingers. Jungwoo whimpers from the over stimulation but he feels the need building and just the thought of Taeil fucking him keeps him teetering. Taeil works hard to stretch him, to keep a pace and his mouth doesn’t let up. Jungwoo tugs his hair, “I’m gonna come again.” He whispers.

Taeil pulls away, kissing up Jungwoo’s stomach until he’s nipping at the underside of Jungwoo’s jaw. Confidence drives Jungwoo to stroke Taeil, licking a quick strip of saliva on his palm before he gets a hand on Taeil’s cock. Taeil’s breath stutters, his shoulders tense and Jungwoo keeps pumping him slowly. His mouth is against Taeil’s ear and he lets out a harsh breath. He plays it up, whine in his voice when he whispers, “Need you to fuck me.” Looking back at it now, it was probably a mixture of the adrenaline and just an enormous amount of trust in Taeil that lead Jungwoo to be so crass, so bold. 

Taeil kisses him excitedly, barely missing his mouth as he guides Jungwoo’s wrist— Sighing into Jungwoo’s mouth his mouth when Jungwoo’s hand twists  _ juuust  _ right. Jungwoo pats the bed, hand hitting the bottle of lube and grabbing it to push it into Taeil’s shoulder. They fumble with it and Jungwoo chuckles into Taeil’s cheek, drawing a soft smile from the latter-- get a tender kiss in return and Jungwoo feels his pulse soaring. Jungwoo feels like hours have passed, just being here with Taeil but when he gets a peek at the clock, only 30 minutes have passed.

Taeil’s cock presses against Jungwoo, sliding teasingly and Jungwoo swears he sees stars, swears he’s found heaven on earth. “Are you sure you want to--?”

Jungwoo brushes Taeil’s hair out of his eyes. He really thinks about it, Taeil is boy he could love, a boy he can trust and has trusted for the majority of his transitioning. Jungwoo remembers how not even a week ago he was dwelling on the fear of his first time or the fear of dating and romance. This feels natural, like the way the planet aligned now is how they were always meant to align; Him, here, with Taeil and nobody else. No Jaehyuns or any obscure tinder swipes. Jungwoo nods, “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” And maybe that’s a stretch, but it’s enough incentive, enough of a visual of how serious he is for Taeil to sweep him off his feet, for Taeil to take his breath away as he eases into him.

There’s that pleasant pleasure in the pit of Jungwoo’s stomach, clenching and unclenching involuntarily around Taeil’s cock and Taeil moans, eyebrows furrowed cutely. Every fiber of Jungwoo’s being stirs and he’s restless, his legs hitched on Taeil’s hips as he rolls into him cautiously but it’s enough for Jungwoo’s body to rock. Jungwoo shuts his eyes, takes in the feeling of being full and Taeil’s cock dragging against his walls. He thinks about the next time ( _ if there will even be one _ ) he’ll be with Taeil, a flat chest and more time spent on T. He thinks eventually, all this will feel more otherworldly than now. 

He reminds himself that Taeil’s been a constant in his life, Taeil would be the last person to break his heart and that sparks a whole  _ other  _ layer in this experience. Jungwoo’s toes dig into Taeil’s hips, encouraging and habouring. The sound of their skin slapping and the bed creaking boggles Jungwoo’s mind, it hits him the moment he’s cumming for the second time that Taeil’s his first. His first friend, his first kiss, his  _ first _ . Taeil kisses him through it, coming quietly after and Jungwoo holds him there just a bit longer, keeps him there for more sleepy kisses.

 

-

 

Dongyoung notices something different the moment Jungwoo and Taeil walk in for lunch. 

There’s a suffocating tension in the air, Dongyoung can’t pinpoint it until Taeil runs off to the bathroom, Jungwoo’s graze following him till he’s out of view. There’s a twinkle, something new and something Dongyoung’s never seen before in Jungwoo’s gaze but definitely in Taeil’s. “You guys sleep together.” Dongyoung concludes, causing Jungwoo’s ears to turn a bright red so fast and Jungwoo stutters. He knocks into the flower vase on the table, barely catching it before it falls and he shakes his head. “Wa-What?” Jungwoo hisses.

_ Cute _ , “That’s all the confirmation I needed.” Dongyoung states. He stirs his iced coffee with his straw, “When?”

Jungwoo gives him a pointed look before he shrugs, “I dunno. last night.” Dongyoung hums and Jungwoo continues, “and this morning and in the shower while we were getting ready.” Dongyoung laughs, “God, at this rate, you might as well not have gotten out of bed with a libido like that.” 

Jungwoo ducks his head. Dongyoung can still see that glimmer in his eyes, the dusty pink on his cheeks and boy, Jungwoo’s got it bad. He sips on his coffee. “Do you like him?”  _ Because he loves you _ , Dongyoung thinks but that’s not his secret to tell. Jungwoo crosses his arms, leaning on the table and he presses his mouth into a thin line. His breath comes out heavy and rushed, “So fucking much.”

Dongyoung opens his mouth, closing it when Taeil comes back. Jungwoo beams, moving to push Taeil’s hair out of his eyes and Taeil beams right back. “I want to be someone’s best man. Although, Jungwoo if you don’t pick me, I’ll, in chris trager’s voice,  _ literally _ die.”

Jungwoo kicks Dongyoung’s shin, “Dongyoung!” and Taeil laughs, eyes crinkling and nose scrunching and when Jungwoo looks at him, Dongyoung sees the embarrassment flee him just as fast as it came.  _ Oh _ , they’re in it for the long haul.

 

-

 

Jungwoo plops onto the bed when he gets out the shower. He sighs softly, the sheets are warm and freshly washed and he shimmies further up. It’s almost christmas, the winter is the coldest it’s been ( _ or according to the news, its record breaking).  _ Jungwoo refuses to turn on the heater, justifying it with the excuse of guaranteed non-stuffy noses and Taeil, being his ever-so-complicit husband agrees. 

Jungwoo likes friday’s. His weekend starts, when he wakes up at noon. He’s got 3 days at home to do nothing before he’s back in his home office, working long hours to sell houses. Taeil comes home in the early evening so that leaves Jungwoo home alone for 5 hours before he’s attached at the hip with Taeil ( _ not that Taeil minds _ ). 

Today, Jungwoo gets up at 10 for no reason and before he decides to roll over and sleep more, he catches a glimpse of the ever growing laundry pile in the corner of the room. He guess he has two more days to sleep in, one day of waking up early won’t kill him. He scratches at his scars before moving down to his lower belly and cracks his back, the naggy voice Taeil always uses towards him about future joint pain rings in his ear clearly. What Taeil doesn’t know, won’t kill him.

By 1, Jungwoo finishes up the loads, all folded or hung up. He truly doesn’t know what to do. He thinks maybe ordering a pizza and watching anime would keep him busy but he doesn’t think it’ll keep him entertained enough for when Taeil gets home. He sighs, maybe a nap should do. 

One problem though, he isn’t tired. “Maybe I should work out then? To get tired?” He asks to the cat but she just blinks up at him slowly before going back to sunbathing in the living room. He huffs, rattling around the bedroom to find something before  _ something _ vibrates under all their underwear. He pulls it out, sizing up the vibrator before he feels himself throb.  _ Maybe _ , he’s 32 now and orgasms tire him out fast enough to take a nap. 

So this is how Jungwoo finds himself, ass out, wrist tired but working hard to thrust the vibrator in himself fast. His phone is opened to a voice memo, all his little “ _ Taeil’s _ ”, whimpers and moans being documented and Jungwoo feels high off the feeling of sending this to Taeil after. He comes when he images the feeling of Taeil holding his hips bruising enough as he pounds into him. He smiles as his body shakes through his orgasm, slick running down his inner thighs and he lets out a high, drawn out whine. Without a second thought, he stops the recording and send it to Taeil. 

 

**Woo ♡**

_ use headphones ;) _

1:49 p.m.

 

He feels nervous but he could care less. That nap sounds good right about now. 

 

-

  
Jungwoo really can’t say he doesn’t expect these turn of events but when Taeil holds his hips, stopping mid thrust to whisper in his ear, he almost blacks out. “I couldn’t even finish the video but you sounded so cute.” Taeil whines, picking up the pace and his cock hits just the right sweet spot for Jungwoo arch back into him. Taeil is so cute when he’s needy and _god_ , Jungwoo can’t really live without him.


End file.
